);

Current Rants

The Daily Grind

  • I do the stuff I hate the most first… cause in general, my attitude gets a lot worse as the day wears on.
  • Has anyone, in their entire lifetime, had a web-meeting that started on time?
  • Please do not send me any email with the opening line: “I hope you are doing well…”
  • Yes, I already have my hotel reservation for the conference. No, I do not want any of your e-mail lists.
  • You’re an idiot if you thought I sent you an email requesting you to buy 50 Apple gift cards (If it actually was me, I’d only ask for, like 3).
  • You’ll sound smarter if add .com at the end of every sentence.com
  • A 2-hour webinar… do you actually think I’m paying attention after 15 minutes?
  • Please clean your old food out of the fridge; I can no longer tell if that’s meat or cake.
  • Google… crushing your original, new and innovative ideas since 1997.

IT Conferences

 

Like most software companies, we do a ton of them – all year long. I’m still not exactly sure why (marketing tells me it drives business – seems like they do), yet they still seem a little like FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) to me. However, I’ll admit that I do get a very satisfied feeling when we secure a good booth location… same as when I pull into that empty parking space directly in front of the BestBuy entrance.

My observations:

  1. Your booth graphic is supposed to act like a billboard. It kills me when I see more text on them than a James Patterson novel or worse, I could more readily decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls than understand that complex solution diagram you have posted.
  2. If you have that tiny booth, at the far back end of the show floor – sucks to be you.
  3. 3 nights of excessive drinking and eating; for some reason, my complete sense of willpower dissipates.
  4. Please don’t give me any paper collateral… I’m just going to leave it in the hotel room.
  5. Telling my 4-year-old that Disney backpacks are out… and software logos are in.
  6. For shit’s sake, please stop pretending you’re interested and just ask for the T-shirt.
  7. “No, I don’t want one of your company pens. Oh, just help yourself? Well then, I’ll take 10!”